12 Genius Tips for Writing Your Own Wedding Vows

The marriage vows you exchange during your wedding ceremony are words you’ll both remember for the rest of your lives. So it’s not surprising that so many couples are choosing to craft their wedding vows for their special day. The more personalized vows, the better. ‘Til death do us part does the job but, ideally, you’ll write vows containing special words and phrases to you both. While the wedding officiant will be in charge of the script for the majority of the wedding ceremony, this will be a moment where you both decide exactly what you want to say in front of your family and friends to express your love and commitment to one another.

But writing these important words—as well as getting up in front of your family and friends to recite them—can seem like a daunting process for many of us.

And once you have your final draft, don’t forget to practice before the big day, which will lessen your nerves when you’re up at the altar. “The key to all is to practice out loud as much as possible,” says Tanya Pushkine, aka The Vow Whisperer. “This will help through the nerves of speaking in public.”

1. Think about what would make your partner laugh

While you may feel pressured to wax poetic, it’s more important to keep your vows authentic to who you are. With that in mind, there’s nothing wrong with keeping things lighthearted—and knowing what will bring a smile to your loved one’s face is way more meaningful than sounding like a Hallmark Card.

Katie + Sean’s advice: “Keep it fun and meaningful! It is hard to sum up years of dating into a couple of minutes but it is so much better than generic vows. Make your partner laugh! Every couple needs a good laugh on the wedding day after months of planning and stress. Start with some light-hearted digs at your partner or even make fun of yourself – just not too many inside jokes!” Plus, after filming 200+ weddings, Sean also offers advice from a videographer’s perspective: “The more original content you can provide, the better.”

2. Get creative with the delivery

Don’t be afraid to break tradition! Whether your creative outlet of choice is spoken word, songwriting, or poetry, use that to deliver your marriage vows. Remember, love has no boundaries (or rules).

Lauren + Rob’s advice: “I definitely always wanted to write my own wedding vows. Poetry has always been the best way for me to express those deeper, difficult-to-describe emotions. When Rob and I started dating we began to write poems back and forth to each other, and actually still do. When I sat down to try to write wedding vows it was only natural that they came out as a poem. In fact, I remember it was about five months before the wedding and I had a feeling come over me that I need to start my vows. I grabbed a pen and paper and began to write as it was just a stream of consciousness flowing out. I read them again a few months later and they still felt so right to me that I never ended up changing a thing about them.”

Haley and Chris by Ashlee Mintz Photography

3. Make your vows a top priority

Is writer’s block making you abandon your vows altogether? Don’t do it! Instead, make a list of your top priorities and put marriage vows at the top.

Emma + Dylan’s wedding vow tips: “Vows, music, bar. Everything else is window dressing.”

4. If the perfect vows are not flowing out, be spontaneous

It’s normal for magic to happen in the eleventh hour. The days–and sometimes even hours—before your wedding ceremony can bring on a whole new whirlwind of emotions, which can turn into the perfect heartfelt writing material. Trust us, the vows will come.

Robyn + Ben’s wedding vow tips: “To be honest, Ben and I didn’t begin writing our vows until the final days before our wedding. I hadn’t planned for that to happen, but every time I sat down to write wedding vows it just didn’t feel right. Maybe it was the inexplicable feelings that one has in those final days before the wedding that really got the creative juices and emotions flowing. It also helps that Ben is a professional writer and has an absolute knack for speech writing. I, on the other hand, just led with the heart and wanted to keep it light.”

5. Throw it back to your first date

Remember where and when you met? What it was like to see each other for the very first time? Try to capture that feeling and put it into words—it’s the beginning of your love story and what led you to this special moment! This excerpt from Ariel + Michael’s vows is a perfect example:

“We were on our first date. The sun had just set. We had sand beneath our feet. I was hesitant to reach for your hand, not knowing if you would shy away. When I finally summoned up the courage to do so, I knew you were someone special. Your hand fit perfectly into mine, so naturally, like it was the hundredth time, like it was meant to be.” 

6. Forget about the audience

Whether you plan to recite your marriage vows in front of all your friends and family, or just to a select few, write wedding vows as if you’re only talking to your partner. It will ease any nerves of speaking in front of an audience and allow you to articulate how you really feel.

Jenna + Ryan’s wedding vow tips: “Possibly the most unique part about our day is we decided last minute to read our heartfelt vows to each other during the first look. It was by far the best part of the day. We allowed them to come straight from the heart without the audience.”

Hayley and Blaine by United Elite Photography

7. Get inspired by your venue or location

Chances are, the spot you and your partner picked to tie the knot has some special meaning, so use that to your advantage when you write vows. Eloping to a new destination, for example, gives you the perfect opportunity to talk about your shared love of adventure.

Lisa + Alex’s advice: “Travel being as important to us as it is (we’ve been to 10 countries and several different US states), we always knew our wedding would be somewhere else. We saved money over a traditional wedding and had the experience of a lifetime, both for us and for our families. Finally reading the vows we had spent months preparing on a cliffside in the Quiraing got us both seriously choked up.” And when Alex says, “You are my greatest adventure. I’m so excited to spend the rest of my days with you,” you bet we got choked up too. 

8. Celebrate your differences

You binge-watch the same shows, you root for the same sports teams, and you can always agree on where to eat out for date night. But what makes your partner the yin to your yang? Which of their strengths complement your weaknesses? Reflecting on these differences can lead to some seriously beautiful vows–just read this excerpt from Katherine + Mathew’s vows for proof:

“Over time, though, I’ve found that the things I love and admire about you most are the things that make you different from me. I love how fearless you are. No person or situation ever intimidates you, and you approach conflicts and setbacks with unwavering determination. I admire your candor, how open and honest you are with everyone you meet. I love how fiercely dedicated you are to seeking justice in the world and standing up for people who’ve been mistreated. And most of all, I love your never-ending enthusiasm and warmth. You radiate joy even during the most boring moments, filling my heart with light and a sense that I can do anything when I’m with you.”

9. Remind yourself what vows are all about

What promises do you vow to keep today, tomorrow, and always? It’s a big question because it’s a big deal, and it’s helpful to think seriously about what you’re promising your partner. This is newlyweds Micah + Jason’s wedding vow tips:**

“I think it’s important for your vows to be serious because it is what you are promising your partner, but I also think that infusing personality and inside jokes can be really charming if it’s done right. For instance, at the end of my vows, I said, “I love you Bubs. Or should I say hubs?” Our hashtag was #FromBubsToHubs, so it was super cute!”

10. Think about the future

What do you imagine the next 10 years to be like? 25 years? 100 years?! Painting a picture of what marriage looks like together down the road is a way to write uniquely personalized vows to say “I choose you, forever.” Read this excerpt from Samantha + Armin’s vows to see how it’s done:

“Once we look back, 70, 80, 100 years from now on our rocking chairs, holding hands, looking at the sunset over North Dakota, with our 4 kids, 12 grandchildren, 3 cats, and 14 dogs surrounding us – let’s face it, I’m a dog person and these are my vows – we will look back it all and smile. The wrinkles on our face will not only represent our age and wisdom, but will represent all the memories that we made together.”

11. Remember that vows can be made to anyone

Weddings are about families coming together as one, so extending your vows to the most important people in your SO’s life is always a thoughtful gesture, especially when little ones are in the picture. See just how meaningful these vows to the bride’s daughter are in this excerpt from Taylor + Lauren’s big day:

“I was not there when you took your first steps, when your first tooth came in. But I promise you I will never miss another first.”

12. Make a list of your favorite qualities

Sometimes, a list can kickstart your writing process—and other times, the list is all you need to write wedding vows. Either way, this trick will get the words flowing, and all you have to do is read this excerpt from Bianca + Zena’s vows to believe it:

“You are unlike anything, or anyone I’ve ever met. Deep, curious, loving, caring, and humorous are just some of the pleasures I get to enjoy being with you.”

We hope this advice helped you. If you’re looking for more inspiration for writing your own wedding vows, find vows to inspire you and wedding vows you’ll love.